Heart 2 Heart Episode: Codependency Issue

On the February 25 episode of Heart 2 Heart, Elizabeth and Mary McBryde discuss a letter from a listener who feels a little taken for granted by a friend she is trying to help through a bad breakup. They also discuss about the consequences of choosing to be right instead of choosing to be happy when we feel as if we’ve been wronged.

Kathie writes:

Hi! I have a girlfriend who has just gone through a bad break-up. I completely understand that right now the attention of our friendship needs to be focused mainly on her right now, however every time we’ve talked recently, one of three things happen: Either she is talking to someone else while on the phone with me for the majority of the conversation, she hangs up immediately after picking up and claims she’ll call back (which is never the case), or the conversation is completely revolving around her, not necessarily about her break-up, until she rushes off the phone.

I’m trying to be patient and just accept it, but she does this after each break-up and I’m tired of the cycle and feeling unappreciated. What should I do?

Elizabeth discusses how important it is to make sure that both people in a relationship understand what the other wants and needs, as well as how important it is to make sure that both people in a relationship “get a turn” to be the focus of the relationship. It’s not about keeping a scorecard — it’s about making sure that you can both be there for each other when you need support, but that you’re both getting support when you need it.

Elizabeth and Mary also talk about how sometimes people “speak” with their behavior (as opposed to their words) and how to teach people to treat you the way you want (and deserve!) to be treated.

Mary shares a story about a recent fishing trip where she had to decide whether or not she wanted to be right, or whether she wanted to be happy. Elizabeth describes how sometimes it’s hard because we don’t want to have to “let go” of the feelings that went with a situation where we feel like we’ve been wronged, but by deciding whether or not we want to be right, or whether we want to be happy, we can make a big difference and improve our lives.

Elizabeth also talks about the importance of telling people how you feel — sometimes when it even seems obvious — as a tool for cementing your relationship. And sometimes what seems obvious isn’t always.

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