What You Hope for is Guaranteed – Part Three

If you’re reading this after Parts One and Two, that means that the information only took you so far in having what you hope for come to you. Don’t get me wrong – the information was good and can absolutely work. The skills you learned in Part One and Part Two are cognitive and behavioral skills. You think about a change, you make your choices, you change your behavior and you get your results. Most of us can point to areas in our lives where we’ve done this and no more was required from us.

However, there are some things that you may have tried in vain to change that frustrate you to no-end! You went for your goal – full out – but still, what you hoped for eluded you. You got frustrated, disgusted and mad at yourself. You felt as though you were back to square one (or worse) and you couldn’t figure out what went wrong.

That’s because with some things you have to go deeper than simply thinking and behaving differently. So, the crucial ingredient that may have prevented your success might have been:

If you don’t believe you are truly worthy of your hopes and dreams, you won’t achieve them. Ever.

How could you? Most people, if they don’t think they deserve something, push it away — sometimes without even realizing it. They just push their dream to the side, or give up, or self-sabotage, or head to their favorite drug of choice – whatever is needed to get numb because they just can’t handle that much love or goodness or feelings of accomplishment.

Most people have it backwards – they believe if they get thin enough, rich enough, have the right job, right relationship or the right degree, then they will be worthy. It’s actually the opposite – when you feel worthy, then those things that you hope for have an easier time coming to you. It still requires hard work, but you won’t push it away because you will believe that you are worthy.

So, if you don’t feel you are truly worthy and deserving of good things in your life, just because you’re you, then it’s time to heal that thought. Yes, healing is required. If you don’t believe that you are worthy – that is a wound that needs to be healed.

Think about it – babies aren’t born thinking they don’t deserve to be cared for – they’re not thinking, “I hope I am not inconveniencing these lovely people – I don’t want to bother them – I don’t deserve to get my needs met – they look busy and I don’t really matter.” No! They are wailing their little sweet heads off to get swaddled, cuddled, loved, fed etc. When you were a baby you knew you were magnificent and absolutely worthy.

Somewhere along the way, you learned that you were not worthy and you don’t deserve good things. For some, this horrible lesson was reinforced everyday of childhood. I’m telling you – you LEARNED that and it WOUNDED you. And now it’s time to roll your sleeves up and heal because your Hopes are waiting for you and they are Guaranteed – but only if you truly know that you deserve them.

Healing the part of you that doesn’t accept that you are worthy is not just “a next step.” It’s your life’s work. You must figure out how to accept the fact that you deserve everything you wish for because if you are wishing it,then that means deep down a part of you DOES believe that you deserve it. It’s time to work with that other, wounded part of you the doesn’t believe it – the part that is wounded, hurt and lost.

The most efficient way to do this work is with a skilled professional counselor. Of course, you will be doing the work, but the counselor will guide you and give you tips and tools along the way. The counselor you work with needs to be really good and who walks the walk. Be selective and trust your intuition. A good counselor is one that you feel safe with and click with. The person should really “get you” and most importantly, your life is getting better as a result of your relationship. Remember that you are a consumer of counseling services and you get to have the results that you’re after, otherwise, what’s the point?

If you are dealing with an addiction, the 12 Steps are amazing and there is a chair waiting for you at AA, OA, GA, NA, etc. And it’s free!!! I personally think everyone should work the steps (they are spiritual principles you will find in most religious traditions, but written in easy to follow steps – they will change your life). If you are in a close relationship with someone with an addiction, then that gives you a chair at an Al-Anon meetings and you can work the 12 Steps there. One of the great sayings is try the 12 Steps for 6 to 12 months and if your life isn’t much, much better, then quit and your misery will be refunded. Love it.

You could also head to your bookstore and find a title that speaks to you in the psychology, spirituality or personal growth work sections. Reading will not help – only pick up books that require action on your part and work the heck of the book. If you need a head start, the I recommend The Joy Diet by Martha Beck. Again, don’t read it – work it or you are just wasting your time. If your life isn’t changing as a result of working from books on your own, then that means that you need more assistance. You need to take greater action. Get to an appropriate 12 Step meeting (again – free!) or do what ever it takes to find a good counselor.

If you are still reading this article, then you are being called to heal. You must do this work to heal yourself. It’s time and you’re ready. I’m excited for you because what you Hope for is Guaranteed!! Take the next step toward your personal growth and healing so that you can live the life you are meant to live. What you Hope for is Guaranteed, but only if you already know that it’s true, because you are magnificent and deserve it.

Ginkgo Leaf

Elizabeth Kupferman is a counselor in Southlake, Texas (Dallas/Fort Worth area) dedicated to helping women overcome depression, grief, and anxiety so they can find happiness and achieve their dreams.

Creative Commons License "What You Hope for is Guaranteed – Part Three" by Elizabeth Kupferman is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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