If you are looking to stay miserable, upset and frustrated with the problem you're facing, the best thing for you to do is to complain about it. Complaining is THE #1 way not to solve a problem. In fact, complaining is diametrically opposed to solving a problem. Even worse, complaining has you convinced that you are solving your problem. Complaining is quite the hoodwinker.
Usually when we think about the phoenix, we think about the rising from the ashes part. It's such a powerful symbol of hope.Recently, I found myself sitting in the ashes - covered in soot. There's a quote that pops into my head at these times from Marianne Williamson's phenomenal A Return to Love that goes something like " the only thing worse that having to say "Oh God, I can't believe I did that" is having to say, "Oh God, I can't believe I did that.....Again." Yes, this trip to the ashes was my own doing.
I often hear people qualify their days after experiencing a death or other loss as good or bad based on whether or not they cried with the crying days being the "bad" ones. I don't look at it that way. I see crying a good and positive thing and a healthy person's response to emotional pain as well as a necessary part of the grieving process*.
We simply cannot live our potential while we are harboring resentments against ourselves and others. But, it's important to know that the practice of forgiveness is actually an act of self-interest and not about another person at all.