“I’ll Never Trust Anyone Again!!!” We’ve all said it. Usually, it’s cried out dramatically in tears while running to our bed (the hand on the forehead is optional) or right before we take our hit of Ben and Jerry’s ready for our night of DVR’d numbness. How adorable!!! Actually thinking we can turn trust off like a faucet. Here’s the deal - if you plan to never trust anyone again, head to a deserted island because if you are in a relationship of any kind, trust is involved. And here’s more crappy news, humans are imperfect and therefore, it’s only a matter of time before one of them lets you down again.
What’s a trust-phobic drama queen to do???
You’re going to open that heart of yours and Trust Again, that’s what! Trust! Trust! Trust! I’m The Trust Whisperer. Okay, not so much. I’m more like the Trust SHOUT OUTER, but I always wanted to be one of those “Whisperer” people (Talk about a drama queen!). I am going to teach you the “secret” of trust and you’ll never have to worry about who or what to trust again.
This is what you need to know: People are constantly telling you exactly:
WHO THEY ARE, WHAT THEY THINK OF YOU, HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO THEM, WHAT THEIR PRIORITIES ARE, IF THEY WILL DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY'RE GOING TO DO, IF THEY REALLY RESPECT YOU, IF THEY LOVE YOU, WHAT THEIR VALUES ARE and so much more.....
Here is STEP ONE of the super-not-so-secret-magic-trust-formula: You will know ALL of the above if you, from this day forward, listen to one thing and one thing only:
The other person’s BEHAVIOR
That’s right, Dorothy, you had the power all along. It turns out, it’s not a secret at all because we all know that actions speak louder than words, but what that idiom doesn’t take into account is how we have been socialized to make nice and to be understanding and to give people second and third and fourth chances and to give in. Yes, words are powerful indeed, but by listening to behaviors, YOU are more powerful. You have the power to see through the cloud of inauthenticity directly to the truth that’s waiting for you right there, all the time in the person’s behavior.
Ready for STEP TWO? You can lovingly GIVE YOUR TRUST, but now that trust has to be given strictly based on BEHAVIOR. Said another way, you can 100% trust a person to behave as they have behaved in the past. And if something good happens you didn’t expect? How fabulous!
Your Work: Start noticing if people’s words (including yours!) match their actions. Does Suzi talk about dieting while eating doughnuts? Does your neighbor yell at her kids to stop yelling? Does your friend continue to complain about her husband, yet does nothing to change her predicament? Get your ear used to listening to behavior.