“I’ll Never Trust Anyone Again!!!” We’ve all said it. Usually, it’s cried out dramatically in tears while running to our bed (the hand on the forehead is optional) or right before we take our hit of Ben and Jerry’s ready for our night of DVR’d numbness. How adorable!!! Actually thinking we can turn trust off like a faucet. Here’s the deal - if you plan to never trust anyone again, head to a deserted island because if you are in a relationship of any kind, trust is involved. And here’s more crappy news, humans are imperfect and therefore, it’s only a matter of time before one of them lets you down again.
If you have the need to please, say yes, over-help, over-do, over-gift, over-compliment, make nice and all that crap we’ve been socialized to do, the jig is about to be up. But, what I’ve noticed lately is that women talk about being a pleaser almost as a point of pride or as something that they have no power or control over. You may have even gotten so comfortable with your status as a pleaser that you announce with a ho-hum attitude or maybe even a flair, exclaiming that indeed, “I’m a pleaser!” I’ve also heard things like, “I can’t help it, I’m a pleaser!,” and “I’m such a pleaser!”
There are crucial differences between caretaking and caregiving and you will notice, the healthier the relationship, the more you are caregiving than caretaking. I see caretaking and caregiving on a continuum. We usually are not one or the other. The goal is to do as much caregiving as we are able to and decrease our caretaking as we can. Caretaking is a dysfunctional, learned behavior that can be changed. We want to change it because we will experience more peace, more contentment and more fulfilling relationships if we do. The people in your life may resist your healthier actions, but modeling caregiving is a huge gift you are giving your loved ones.
We've all heard that communication is an important factor in relationships. We know this, but why is it so hard? I believe it is because there are three obstacles we face in achieving goal to better our communication.