When you are moving in the direction of what you hope for, you start to get excited – you’re all set for the change and are ready to enjoy all the fabulousness of your new life. And there is silence…….just … Continue reading
Articles by Elizabeth KupfermanWhat You Hope for is Guaranteed – Part ThreeMost people have it backwards – they believe if they get thin enough, rich enough, have the right job, right relationship or the right degree, then they will be worthy. It’s actually the opposite – when you feel worthy, then those things that you hope for have an easier time coming to you. However, there are some things that you may have tried in vain to change that frustrate you to no-end! You went for your goal – full out – but still, what you hoped for eluded you. You got frustrated, disgusted and mad at yourself. You felt as though you were back to square one (or worse) and you couldn’t figure out what went wrong. Continue reading What You Hope For is Guaranteed – Part TwoBefore you are able to get your Guarantee (as described in part 1) it is important to understand exactly what “Hope” is. I like the definition of Hope that comes from C.R. Snyder who describes it not as an emotion but as the combination of three different cognitive processes. I found Snyder’s work in Brene Brown’s excellent book The Gifts of Imperfection. Continue reading What You Hope for is Guaranteed – Part OneWe are not supposed to go through the motions of life. We are supposed to fully live it with all of our heart and you – whoever you are – no matter how lost, lonely and afraid you are – no matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you – no matter how many times you’ve tried and failed – no matter who you’ve lost – no matter how much pain you carry – no matter what – you still get to Hope and What You Hope for – deep, deep down inside – is Guaranteed. There are no exceptions. Continue reading The Magical Psychological Powers of ANDOne of the first things I tell new counseling or coaching clients is my favorite word because it has magical psychological powers. That magical word is AND. You might be thinking that it is a lame favorite word, but it really has some magical properties AND you need to know them because using it more often can bring you more peace, insight, problem solving powers, self-love and relief. Continue reading Being Too SensitiveIt’s a pet peeve of mine when I hear someone call somebody else “too sensitive.” It is never meant is a compliment, which is ironic given that it is sensitivity that makes us the empathetic, warm, caring, compassionate people that we are. It’s even more ridiculous because the person calling the other person “too sensitive” is usually getting so many wonderful perks from being in a relationship with that sensitive person. Continue reading Knowing Who To TrustIf you have a hard time trusting, then it might be because someone violated your trust when you were young. Maybe it was your parents…or another family member…or someone else who was important to you at the time. On the March 11th episode of Heart 2 Heart, Elizabeth and Michelle discuss trust: how you can identify trustworthy people and then build trusting relationships with them. See the attached blog post for Elizabeth’s commentary and additional show notes. Continue reading The Real Apology“The Real Apology” is a three part apology originally proposed by Randy Pausch in his “Last Lecture.” When you offer a “Real Apology” you don’t just say you’re sorry — you also take full responsibility for what you said or did and offer to do something to make it up to the person you are apologizing to. Continue reading Heart 2 Heart Episode: Codependency IssueOn the February 25 episode of Heart 2 Heart, Elizabeth and Mary McBryde discuss a letter from a listener who feels a little taken for granted by a friend she is trying to help through a bad breakup. They also discuss about the consequences of choosing to be right instead of choosing to be happy when we feel as if we’ve been wronged. Continue reading Heart 2 Heart Episode #3In this week’s episode we talked about whether some people are predisposed to codependency and whether or not a lot of codependent behavior might simply be caused by a lack of communication. Continue reading Codependency: Caretaking vs. CaregivingThere are crucial differences between caretaking and caregiving and you will notice, the healthier the relationship, the more you are caregiving than caretaking. I see caretaking and caregiving on a continuum. We usually are not one or the other. The goal is to do as much caregiving as we are able to and decrease our caretaking as we can. Caretaking is a dysfunctional, learned behavior that can be changed. We want to change it because we will experience more peace, more contentment and more fulfilling relationships if we do. The people in your life may resist your healthier actions, but modeling caregiving is a huge gift you are giving your loved ones. Continue reading Permission to CryI often hear people qualify their days after experiencing a death or other loss as good or bad based on whether or not they cried with the crying days being the “bad” ones. I don’t look at it that way. I see crying a good and positive thing and a healthy person’s response to emotional pain as well as a necessary part of the grieving process*. Continue reading Healthy vs. Unhealthy TrustWhen we think about trusting someone, we tend to think of it in terms of all or nothing. Either we trust this person or we don’t. We trust ourselves or we don’t. We trust that we will be taken care of or we don’t. I label trust that is black and white like that “unhealthy trust.” We think it’s like a switch we can turn on or off on a whim. It’s not. And if you change the way you think about trust and learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy trust, you will save yourself a lot of heartache because trust is at the core of all of our relationships. Continue reading It’s Not Time That Heals All WoundsI will agree that we need time to grieve and mourn, but it is not time that does the job of healing. If we do not do the necessary grief work (accepting the reality of the loss, experiencing the pain, making the necessary adjustments and creating meaning from the loss), we will end up with what Alan Wolfelt calls “carried grief.” Carried grief is when you do not mourn your loss and take the pain with you into everyday of your life. Continue reading Choosing To HealHealing isn’t just something that happens. It’s not like one day you’re in dysfunction and the next day you’re not. You actually have to make the choice to do your personal growth work to heal. Continue reading Communication & RelationshipsWe’ve all heard that communication is an important factor in relationships. We know this, but why is it so hard? I believe it is because there are three obstacles we face in achieving goal to better our communication. Continue reading A Key to Happiness is Forgiveness of Self and OthersWe simply cannot live our potential while we are harboring resentments against ourselves and others. But, it’s important to know that the practice of forgiveness is actually an act of self-interest and not about another person at all. Continue reading Thoughts on Kübler-Ross’ Stages of GriefIn my work as a grief counselor, I have found that while many of my clients already know the stages of grief, it does not seem to be enough for them. The stages are something that happens to you. They aren’t something that can be controlled or predicted. Most people find that not only do the stages not occur in the “right order,” but more than one can be experienced at the same time and it is likely that one or more of them are not experienced at all. Continue reading Advice For Grieving ParentsYou are living out one of most people’s greatest fear. This is why some of your closest friends or family might be acting standoffish or even disappear. They don’t mean to be mean or neglectful, but it doesn’t hurt any less. Many times they want to be there for you but simply don’t know how. However, if you let them, there are people in your life who can be there for you, champion you, stand by you and will not be afraid to talk about this or go through this fully with you. Continue reading Grief, Loss and Insidious LonelinessOne of the most painful aspects of the grieving process can be loneliness. We expect to be sad, but the feeling of loneliness has its own and subtly different kind of pain. It can be unsettling and scary. What you need to know is that you are not alone in feeling these feelings. They are quite common in women. Continue reading Feeling Like a Child After A LossOne of the feelings that I find difficult to explain to my clients is the sense of “feeling little” following a devastating loss. This is the “childlike terror” mention in the quote – it’s like we struggle to stay our adult selves – we feel lost and alone. We feel scared. Continue reading Disenfranchised Grief“Disenfranchised grief” is when your heart is grieving but you can’t talk about or share your pain with others because it is considered unacceptable to others. It’s when you’re sad and miserable and the world doesn’t think you should be, either because you’re not “entitled” or because it isn’t “worth it.” Continue reading Common Reactions to GriefOne of the comforting things about being human is that we are both completely unique AND quite the same. This is true with physiological processes (like a physical wound) and emotional processes (such as grieving). Continue reading
Southlake/Colleyville therapist Elizabeth Kupferman is dedicated to helping women overcome depression, grief, and anxiety so they can find happiness and achieve their dreams. |
I can help you...
Elizabeth Kupferman, RN, LMHC, LPC
National Certified Counselor (817) 203-4833 Article UpdatesEnter your e-mail below and my site will automatically send you updates about new articles and upcoming groups. Your identity will remain completely confidential and you can unsubscribe at any time.
|
